Well then, as I was in the mood for poking fun at the Cult of Global Warming, I went about hitting various search engines to find funny carbon-based facts and other Green gobbledygook for inspiration.

I shall tell you right now: the results far surpassed my expectations.

For those of you too busy to click the hyperlinks, here it is, in a carbon neutral nutshell: setting the bar higher on the Ridicule Scale, these two teams of software development geniuses came up with applications to calculate—you guessed already—one's carbon footprint and offer advice as to how the criminal emitter can reduce it¹—the first for Windows PCs, and the other for some Google mobile phones.

That's right, computers and cellphones. These epitomes of both the Industrial Revolution and the Information Age. These achievements of more than a century of innovation made only possible by fossil fuels and highly efficient carbon emissions—considering the excellent productivity/pollution ratio of said fuels.

Now, I am going to give you a full empty paragraph free of charge, to let you ponder on the humungous amount of cubic tons of carbon needed to build, launch, operate and maintain a fully working computerized and telecommunicating world versus whatever "sustainable lifestyle" these ludicrous bits of software purportedly promote. There:

...

Yeah, I knew you'd laugh a bit. But apparently, oblivious of the crushing paradoxes, these guys are serious and intend to lecture the world with predictable and politically correct "solutions" against carbon emissions... On technological devices that thrive at the top of one of the most energy hungry sector of human activity. For this big fan of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, that type of software developers instantaneously casts images of Bergholt Stuttley Johnson, AKA Bloody Stupid Johnson.

Half as amusing though.

Or perhaps this is the great scourge brought upon Humanity by (a somewhat) unbridled Capitalism. By lifting scores of people and nations out of sheer abject poverty and away from a subsistence economy, endowing the greater part of said nations with a level of wealth and riches unprecedented in Mankind's history, we end up with an awful lot of people with far too much time on their hands, cult-like ideologies in their hearts (global cooling, wait, warming, no-no-no cooling is nigh, the End of the World live on 01-01-00 00:00:00, the climate, it changes! Polar bears can't swim, Al is All, etc) and ridiculous software designs in their Collectivist minds.

I, too, miss the time when Man didn't have to worry about any other footprints than those he'd left with his own feet²—Death to the Evil Cars!—while prodding Mother Earth to scrap some meager yet oh-so natural food²—Death to the Evil Wal*Mart!

I, too, miss the time when you'd measure a man's worth by the amount of dirt he'd dug in a hard day's work, and not the length of useless computer code he'd typed²—Death to the Evil Computers!

I, too, miss the time when Life was so much simpler and closer to Mother Earth: naked monkey sees food, naked monkey tries to catch food, naked monkey even had a chance to eat sometimes, when lucky or when food too slow or too old²—Death to the Evil Civilization!

So despite the fact that it will simply overblown your very own carbon footprint just to run it (on carbon emitting computers and all that Evil Stuff) this software looks excellent. I'm just weary that they might not go the extra mile, and provide us, careless carbon producing trousered apes, with the means to TAKE ACTION rather than simply measure the size of our carbon footprint, and brag about who's got the biggest or humiliate he who has got the smallest³ and steal his girlfriend. I mean, if these guys were really serious about messing around with our personal carbon (rather than being just a bunch of unimaginative, fashionable and conformist neo-Yuppies in organic cotton underwear that is), then their software should work like so:

1. Switch on the 'puter (or the cellphone).
2. Click to start Carbon Annihilator 1.0, and evaluate the user's carbon footprint.
3. No matter the result, get a message that reads "TO REDUCE YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT, PLEASE DESTROY THIS COMPUTER⁴ NOW AND DROP DEAD FORTHWITH."

At least that's how I would design it.

I wanted to make sure this bit of comment (#3586 here) from BlueStarMom, whom I'm truly honored to count as a regular guest on this blog, wouldn't go unnoticed:

Just to let you know- my son just re-enlisted.  He has deployed to Iraq 3 times. 

I am very proud of him and all of our military.

(and NO John Kerry- he didn’t re-up because he couldn’t do anything else!)

Indeed, and furthermore, the notion that one would sign up (three times!) to fight a fierce, difficult and crucial conflict just because one cannot find a job looks totally stupid an argument to anybody but a self-infatuated, clueless Vietcong hack like John Kerry—particularly considering the thriving U.S. economy at the time this slipped through one of his orifices, which gives even less weight to this "pearl" among Kerry's many elitist remarks, and his disparaging several generations of America's warrior class.

You don't enlist three times in wartime out of desperation, boredom or sheer stupidity. It takes fortitude, spirit and an amount of courage beyond that of most of us—and I hope BlueStarMom will correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm quite sure this cannot be anything else than the result of a conscious and educated choice by a smart and determined man.

Moreover, and since we're speaking about the pompous Defeatists & Democrats of the age, it looks like BlueStarMom isn't "bitter" and doesn't "cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like [her]" either.

Hey Hussein-Barack Obama, you listening?

Blue Star Mom and proud of it!!!

Without a doubt pride is your prerogative here, and I hope you will accept my respect and gratitude. Indeed, lest we forget—and despite all the smugness and scorn coming out of those parts of the Free World that manage to be as arrogant as they're irrelevant (Yeah, I'm looking at you, La Douce France)—just like they checked and defeated Communist expansionism over the world (and Western Europe particularly) during the Cold War, Americans are once again pulling a large part of the hard work, paying the bill and protecting all of us against the very same Islamic absolutism we Europeans hardly managed to keep at bay for centuries.

So my deepest gratitude goes to you BlueStarMom, and to all those who, like your son, renew their commitment to the defense of Civilization, knowing perfectly (quote: "These servicemembers know the cost of war and they are still re-enlisting, Hill said"—John Kerry, call your office) that they put themselves into "the most austere conditions". This may sound like a cliché, but it is not: you are, literally and effectively, making this world a better place for us all.

Bless your son's spirit, bless your mother heart.

French thinker Georges Gusdorf, in his superb comparative history of the French and American revolutions, circa 1988:

The Constitution of the United States is a gentlemen's agreement between a number of the nation's representatives, devising quietly a text meant to ensure the good management of the federal State's commons. The document would pass into law only after approval by [...] each of the States, and ratification by at least 9 States over the 13. An opinion campaign thus ran for a few months, in 1787-1788, where both partisans and adversaries of a strong central government confronted their views. (...) the writings of the polemicists stemmed from good common sense and a quality of views that contrasts with the hateful and apocalyptic violence of the French revolutionary pamphleteers. In particular [...] The Federalist, an exegesis and a profound justification of the new law, remains after 200 years a classic of the United States constitutional law and political science, whereas the collection of Pêre Duchêne and that of l'Ami du Peuple [The ghastly Marat's¹ "The People's Friend"² newspaperish filth—DF] belong to the museum of the horrors of rhetoric—or that of the rhetoric of horrors.

(...)

The Constitution of the United States is a work of reason, negotiated by an elite of well-wishing men, caring for the common good, whereas the French revolutionary constitutions are the products of exalted passions. Hence the resilience of the first, and the extreme fragility of the latter, doomed as they were under the pressure of the street, in an End of the World atmosphere.

(...)

America's insurgents took arms to ensure a freedom they already owned. Whatever the emotions of the various crisises, the violence of the popular revolts and the valor of the fighters, liberty, in the United States predates 1776-1777, 1783 or 1787; it is not conquered over the "tyrant" of London; it does not preside to the instauration of a new order of things [...] if the colons revolted, it is because they felt they were in risk of being deprived from prerogatives that had always been theirs. Here, without a doubt, lies a fundamental difference between [the revolutions] of America and that of France.

(...)

Upon the ratification of the Constitution, the state of Massachusetts, who fears the excessive use of power by the central government, only agrees under the condition that a series of amendments securing the citizens' fundamental liberties (religion, press, assembly, petition, the right to bear arms, trial by jury, etc.) would be added to the federal law. Voted in December 1791, these ten amendments, that compose the Americans' Bill of Rights, enounce rights they were already enjoying for a long time; they went without saying and that is why they were not explicitly written into the Constitution; indeed it goes even better saying it, yet they were not a conquest but merely an acknowledgment of a legal and actual situation that wasn't threatened.

(...)

Teaching in a US university, I asked my students (...) to establish a list of the major events that marked out, in their own opinion, the history of the West. Two of them cited as the initial date the year 1492: Columbus' discovery of America. One could argue that the question had not been properly understood, but these answers are characteristic of a state of mind; for these young Americans, the invention of their continent marks a new beginning in the history of the world.

Translated by yours truly from "Les révolutions de France et d'Amérique: la violence et la sagesse" ("The Revolutions of France and America: violence and wisdom") by Georges Gusdorf—putting to rest a few of the most vicious French revolution falsities, thoroughly debunking any notion that the American revolution owed anything to French Enlightenment thinkers (the official Party line in France, incidentally) and that, as Jefferson quickly figured out, far from being similar in nature and spirit the French revolution was and remains America's war of Independence evil and totalitarian twin, and a true antithesis of the Great Experiment.

4th of July, birthday of a new beginning. Happy birthday.