I've just found out that the convoluted array of filtering software that is supposed to keep the various pharmaceutical ads and other Mr. Winkie's Enlargement offers off my inbox and my radar has gone bonkers again.

As a result, some legitimate emails were caught and held in the custody of my proxy servers — while at the same time, I've seen more poetic⁽¹⁾ and unwanted messages, such as the following examples, invading my email client:

"People judge your [Mr. Winkie's -- Ed.] size by your shoes size. With [Mr. Winkie -- Ed.] Enlarge Patch you don't have to wear bigger shoes to make women think you have a huge [Mr. Winkie -- Ed.]

Incidentally, I didn't know you could mislead women with bigger shoes. I've heard about bigger cars, yes, but bigger shoes? That sounds like a neat and affordable trick, at least compared to the price tag of a Ferrari. Anybody can confirm success using it?

If your [Mr. Winkie -- Ed.] is small, even yoga won't help you

Which brings the question: then what the hell could yoga possibly be good for?

Blue whale's [Mr. Winkie -- Ed.] is 3 meters because he tried [Mr. Winkie -- Ed.] Enlarge Patch

Tested and approved then. I imagine that what's good for the blue whale is good enough for me — though I can only begin to guess the adequate, non misleading shoe size for a dude with a 3 meters trouser snake.

Oh and, since we're into poetry, this all brings to mind the words of old Bill⁽²⁾. You know:

With everything that pretty is,
My lady sweet, arise:
Arise, arise!

Gosh, what a dirty mind. That Shakespeare guy sounds as horny as a blue whale.

All Mr. Winkie jokes aside, I'm quite frankly rather irritated, as I always am when such things happen (and they've been known to happen). I can't really say when it started to go wrong as I'm still making my way through the various Purgatory boxes that compose my multi-layered filtering system. On a good day, they catch spam mail in the thousand⁽³⁾ with very few misses, so it may take some time before I can manually look through all of this. So far, I've found wrongfully entrapped legitimate email as old as 47 bloody days.
I'm making my way through it, and will answer any mail for which an answer might still be relevant, but in case you emailed me — and expected an answer — at some point in the past two months and are reading this, please don't hesitate to resend⁽⁴⁾. As a matter of fact, it might even help me to spot the good mail more easily.

Too bad this turned out to be a hoax, really⁽⁵⁾. It could definitely have encouraged the others.

And the open comments question today is: are women really that interested in the size of men's shoes?