Sticky Red Button • Bouton Rouge Qui Colle

Fired from France by the dissident frogman

I knew it. I knew it right on Friday afternoon. I could feel it in my bones. But of course, too late to engage any significant counter-measure. I'm badly hurt by a serious flu bug that turned me into a wailing mobile mucus manufacture tormented by the grotesque visions of a mind thoroughly left to the mere influence of a debilitating fever. Let me tell you something: if, one way or another, these visions are representative of the condition of my psyche, I'm going to need some serious help once I'm finished with the flu. However, despite a horrible week-end writhing under the tribulations of the viscid phlegm, I drew from within the very depth of my strength and willpower enough energy to complete the red button herein (below, if you happen to read the permalink), started last week, just in time to wish you all a Merry Christmas. My duty accomplished, I'm falling back in my armchair, not knowing if I'll have enough fortitude left to drag this poor old self of mine back to my humble flea bag of pestilence. Mark my words though: the first ungrateful brat to complain about this goddamn stinking piece of a red button will receive the aforementioned mobile manufacture's daily production carefully concealed in a Whizzo chocolate company box. And now, I just want to die alone in my slippery secretions. Again, Merry Christmas to you.

Je le savais. Je le savais dès vendredi après-midi. Je pouvais le sentir dans mes os. Mais bien entendu, trop tard pour prendre de quelconques contre-mesures significatives. Je suis salement touché par une méchante grippe qui m'a transformé en une vagissante manufacture mobile de mucus, tourmenté par les visions grotesques d'un esprit totalement livré à la seule influence d'une fièvre débilitante. Laissez moi vous dire quelque chose : si, d'une manière ou d'une autre, ces visions sont représentatives de l'état de ma psyché, je vais avoir besoin d'une aide sérieuse lorsque j'en aurais fini avec la grippe. Cela dit, et malgré un horrible week-end passé à me tordre dans les affres d'une humeur visqueuse, j'ai puisé dans les profondeurs de ma force et de ma volonté l'énergie requise pour achever le bouton rouge ci-dessus (ci-dessous si vous êtes dans le permalink), débuté la semaine dernière, juste à temps pour vous souhaiter un joyeux Noël. Mon devoir accompli, je m'effondre dans mon fauteuil, ne sachant pas si il me reste suffisamment de vigueur pour traîner ce pauvre vieux moi-même jusqu'à mon humble grabat de pestilence. Entendez moi bien cependant : le premier chiard ingrat qui se plaint de ce nom de dieu de sale bouton de mes deux rouges recevra la production journalière de la manufacture mobile ci devant mentionnée, soigneusement dissimulée dans une boîte de chocolats de la compagnie Whizzo. Et maintenant, tout ce que je veux, c'est mourir seul dans mes secrétions gluantes. A nouveau, Joyeux Noël à vous.

TrackBacks

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Sticky Red Button • Bouton Rouge Qui Colle:

» I'm SWLiP, and I want to negotiate. from Strange Women Lying in Ponds
The Dissident Frogman has left us all a most excellent Chrismas Gift. Be sure and press the Red Button at the top of the page. [Read More]

Tracked on December 23, 2003 09:30 PM

» Submitted for Your Approval from Watcher of Weasels
First off...  any spambots reading this should immediately go here, here, here, and here.  Die spambots, die!  And now...  here are all the links submitted by members of the Watcher's Council for this week's vote. Council links:Holiday ... [Read More]

Tracked on December 24, 2003 02:57 AM

» Submitted for Your Approval from Watcher of Weasels
First off...  any spambots reading this should immediately go here, here, here, and here.  Die spambots, die!  And now...  here are all the links submitted by members of the Watcher's Council for this week's vote. Council links:Holiday ... [Read More]

Tracked on December 24, 2003 06:01 AM

» Good News; Bad News from graphictruth
Good News: It's possible to blog from the Right in support of GWB and still maintain a lively sense of humor. Bad News: One must be French. [Read More]

Tracked on January 21, 2004 10:47 PM

Comments

Stay in bed DF and avoid Hospital.

Merry Xman

I meant Xmas

Posted by: papertiger | December 23, 2003 12:33 AM

I just can't NOT push the red button!
Great piece of work DF, hope you're felling better soon.
Merry Christmas

Posted by: Dana | December 23, 2003 12:42 AM

Wonderul, wacky, weird! Thank you for the cadeau.
Pauvre DF! Don't go dragging yourself off to see Lord of the Rings! No, nStay in o, no! Stay in bed, get getter soon.
Joyeux Noel a tu!

Posted by: Valerie, the Texas | December 23, 2003 02:35 AM

The best yet! Loved it!

Posted by: Blackjack | December 23, 2003 03:00 AM

You're not the only one wondering if this is what flu meds do to you.....

:) Nice job, DF :)

Now go get well so you don't kill all your braincells with that stuff, willya?

Take good care, and Joyeux Noel a vous!!
-- julie de maupin

Posted by: julie de maupin | December 23, 2003 03:35 AM

J'adore appuyer sur tes boutons rouges!
Pourrais-tu nous faire une rougeole la prochaine fois?
Un vrai régal!
Soigne-toi bien, merci et bravo! (quel fou rire "jaune" vu les personnages)
Joyeux Noël!
Sylvie
PS: Allez, encore une fois: Red button

Posted by: Sylvie | December 23, 2003 05:07 AM

Froggy,
You are not allowed to die. Slaves have to be sold!
Remember the famous words, "This too, shall pass." and get well soon
Joyeux Noel, ami.

Posted by: Guy | December 23, 2003 05:33 AM

Great great DF

Merry Christmas

Posted by: fred | December 23, 2003 09:17 AM

Hilarious! It was my first visit and I'm hooked. Christmas wishes and get well soon.

Posted by: Peter Ness | December 23, 2003 11:55 AM

Désolée pour la grippe! Il faut toujours avoir dans un placard OSCILLOCOCCINUM, ça permet d'anticiper même le pressentiment psychosomatique du mal! Merci pour l'aimable plaisanterie satirique, joyeux noël à vous aussi! Mais qu'arrive-t-il si l'on presse le petit bouton rouge en haut à droite de la page principale?

Posted by: lola | December 23, 2003 01:46 PM

Vous vous souvenez de ce truc avec la femme, le serpent et la pomme?

Ben c'est pareil.

Posted by: the dissident frogman | December 23, 2003 02:08 PM

La Terre des Ancètres n'a plus grand chose d'un jardin merveilleux! Je n'y toucherai pas...Bon courage

Posted by: lola | December 23, 2003 04:43 PM

"(...) Je n'y toucherai pas"

Elles disent toutes ça.

Et ensuite, c'est le serpent qui trinque et qui voit s'effondrer définitivement ses rêves de course de fond ou sa passion pour le port de bas de soie, selon la personnalité ou le genre dudit serpent.

Bon. Je vais me reprendre une bonne poignée d'efferalgan, là.

Posted by: the dissident frogman | December 23, 2003 05:06 PM

The man is sick and, yet, he still gives. Vive le Red Button!

Great, now I'm gonna have this song running though my noggin' for the rest of the farkin' day.

DF, that was fun!

Posted by: Rob C | December 23, 2003 07:30 PM

Oh, yeah...I'm singin' it. And after this I'm heading over to Jeremy Yoder's pad with a strong pair of field glasses to see how far Krugman booted his poor cat. "Space...the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Mr. Whiskers. His continuing mission: to explore strange, new jobs...to seek out low interest rates, and new capital investments...to boldly grow like no economy has grown before!"

Joyeux Noel, monsieur Frogman!

Posted by: Nightfly | December 23, 2003 08:09 PM

Merry Christmas DF, and that was great! The best one yet. I still have tears from laughing so hard.

Posted by: Mashiki | December 23, 2003 08:10 PM

Joyeux Noel Frogman The Dissident, soigne toi bien..

BiseS

Posted by: LaFéeC | December 24, 2003 01:39 PM

"...selon la personnalité ou le genre dudit serpent." C'est pas moi c'est la femme, répondit il courageusement, la pomme entamée dans le creux de la main...Bonne et Sainte Nuit du Salut, Monsieur.

Posted by: lola | December 24, 2003 04:07 PM

The Red button rocks!!!, Sorry to hear that you are ill, stay in bed, take in plenty of clear liquids.....Vodka,Gin,White rum, Huradura Silver and such.

Posted by: Bob in Texas | December 24, 2003 11:01 PM

The button... the button... must... have... more button...

Posted by: Doug | December 25, 2003 01:10 PM

That was great. Get better, soon.

Posted by: Eric the .5b | December 26, 2003 05:43 AM

I work in the live theatre industry. The theatre I work for host’s a traveling production of the Radio City Rockettes. A big budget, bling-bling, Christmas out the extravaganza. By Christmas day, the show is gone, and my extravaganza needs to empty itself with some much needed alone time. By accident, and boredom, I ended up on this site and now have reason to give thanks again. Great work! Get well soon, and happy holidays.

Posted by: Chris | December 26, 2003 08:44 AM

Man, I laughed so hard my belly still hurts. You just keep getting better and better. Anyway, I wish you lots of inspiration and whatever you need to keep going in 2004! Thumbs up!

Posted by: Tomas Kohl | December 29, 2003 09:21 AM

DF - I wasn't going to say anything, but I notice Mr. Merde is also out of business since the 20th. Would that be a nasty American bug you got from that Simon character?

Alright, you get plenty of soup and beer nuts. We need you up and in the trenches. Both Merde in France and Dissident Frogman down and out at once. Thank God Pave is back on line.

Posted by: papertiger | December 30, 2003 05:37 AM

You are the funniest man that ever was. Period. End of histoire.
Way yo go dude!

Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

regards,
Joe

Posted by: Joe | January 2, 2004 08:45 PM

Wwith me in my Flu id state your post was not easy to read let alone focus on the red button to press it? Who is responsible for the spread of "la gripe"?

.

Posted by: Barry | January 3, 2004 07:11 PM

Goodness, I had hoped you would be well by now and posting your take on all things insane in the land of EU. Hope you are at least getting better and are just taking a break.

Bon Nouvelle Anee'. (Sorry, my public school education is showing. The intent was honorable.)

Posted by: Mamamontezz | January 4, 2004 07:29 PM